Friday Blog: ESCAPE FROM SHAWSHANK!

Tags: dreams, escape, happiness, lisamurray, plan, shawshank redemption, suffering

Revolutionary Road

I can’t readily remember a movie that has evoked more gut-level emotion from me than Revolutionary Road. The first time I saw it, it was for a work screening (QCing Latin Spanish subtitles) and I only saw the first three reels and then had to go back to my office job and then at the end of my work day, screen the final three reels. And since we were trying to make a shipment, and we were dealing with a film lab’s availability and schedule, I screened the last three reels – unarguably the most intense part of the movie – out of order. Nonetheless, I was still profoundly affected. I cried during the screening, I cried as I walked out to my car, and once in my car, I lost it and cried hysterically all the way home on the bumper-to-bumper 101 Freeway. The intense level crying continued until late that night.

Just now, I was able to watch Revolutionary Road in its entirety, with no interruptions, and in order. I am still wiping away my tears as I write this. But this is the first time I can write about it as the other time I screened it was pre-release. Now that the movie is in theaters, I can be open with my thoughts and share them with you.

I can’t get over the writing. And the directing. And the acting! And the cinematography. And the score. And the production design.

The typical Hollywood movie, the typical yet well-done Hollywood movie, rips the scab of daily existence off and exposes our core to the elements – for a brief moment – and then, gently covers the open wound with dressing in the form of a forced Hollywood happy ending and off we go back to the parking lot to our cars and then our mundane lives. It all happens so fast, you’re almost not entirely sure you have just experienced it. But this movie will rip the scab off, hold your arms behind your back – and force you to sit with that feeling for an uncertain period of time. When you think you’ve had all you can take, an intense, golden light will pour over your open wound. If there were any parts that were out of view, they are no longer.

“People don’t forget the truth, they just get better at lying”

All the while your dark, inner secrets are being forcibly exposed to the part of you that is out there living life, there is a piano softly playing in the background. It isn’t the soothing type of piano either, it’s the type of piano that is constant and repetitive, which can either affect you like a lullaby or a psychotic chant. It chants it’s tune to remind us of that voice that lives inside of us, that Truth that keeps knawing at the door that we have shut on it. Sometimes the piano strikes chords that are reminiscent of the out of control feeling inside. And you sit with the core of YOU open to the world, and you FEEL in that moment – a moment which feels like eternity. And and you feel. And feel. And feel. Until you go deeper and deeper into the core of You. If reading this evokes discomfort or anger in you then I know one thing about you: You are afraid to face your true self and chances are, you won’t like this movie very much. If, however, you appreciate the opportunity to get in touch with the deeper part that lives inside of you, the part that you have perhaps gotten really good at ignoring, then this movie is a must-see for you – as it was for me.

To help paint a better picture of why this movie had such a profound affect on me that morning at the lab, let me explain the circumstances that lead up to it. I had just worked the Benjamin Button premiere the night before. My job at the premiere after-party was to “guard” the Paramount Execs’ table (basically, not let anybody who wasn’t supposed to be there be there – a real no brainer.) Well, I ended up standing next to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for a long time as they hung out at that table and not at their designated VIP section. I was thrilled to be so close to two of the biggest Hollywood stars in the business. It’s one thing to see pictures of stars, or watch televised interviews, or watch edited films, but it’s another to stand next to them watching them talk with all kinds of people, live. I watched how they interacted with people, and each other. At first I was like, “oh wow, this is cool” but that was quickly replaced with something on a deeper level. I saw my unlived life in their faces, in their smiles. I stood there guarding that table well into the night. I was cold. My feet hurt. My soul hurt. And I knew I had the 8:30 screening the next morning. I just felt invisible and in pain.

“If being crazy means living life as if it matters then I don’t care if we’re completely insane, do you?”

The next morning I watched the first three reels of Rev Road as I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. I was blown away. The writing…. it’s… me. It’s like someone reached into my core, the core that I don’t tell ANYBODY about, and put it in a glass jar and then poured the contents of that jar over film emulsion and then projected that back to me in the dark screening room in Hollywood that morning. What a strange feeling to have your Self projected back to you in way of a work screening. I am there to check the print for scratches, hits, digs, water marks or the like. But how could I? How could I notice ONE THING wrong with this film when all I knew was what I felt inside and what I felt inside was telling me to get up and walk out of there and never go back to another J-O-B again in my life. But I didn’t and that made me just as sad as I felt at the end of that movie. I couldn’t help but think about how many missed opportunities there have been in my life. The affect this movie has had on me will last a very long time, perhaps forever. I’m still digesting my feelings from it but this is where they stand as of screening #2. I’m sure I’ll have more to post about this later.

Golden Globes and Oscars.

Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio
Best Actress: Kate Winslet
Best Director: Sam Mindes
Best Cinematography
Best Production Design
Best Score

This movie plays out more like a stage play than a film. “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe” was referenced more than once when talking about this movie. It is a dialogue-driven, character-driven movie – my favorite! I will see this movie many more times I’m sure. And a dream of mine would be to write something as profound as this movie (I’m now reading the book), to work with Kate Winslet (she’s my favorite actress) and Leonardo DiCaprio (my favorite actor) and to live my life from my heart. This is what sticks with me from this story: LIVE YOUR TRUTH. LIVE YOUR TRUTH. LIVE YOUR TRUTH.

Tags: dreams, golden globes, happiness, Hollywood, kate winslet, leonardo dicaprio, life, lisa murray, oscars, revolutionary road, sam mindes, suburbs, work

Happiness

It’s hard to be happy sometimes, isn’t it?  What IS happiness?

Dictionary.com definition of “HAPPINESS”: 

1.	the quality or state of being happy.

2.	good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

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Okaaaay…. but what is “Happy”?

1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing: happy to help.
5. 1. Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something. Often used in combination: trigger-happy.
   2. Enthusiastic about or involved with to a disproportionate degree. Often used in combination: money-happy; clothes-happy.

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Hm.  That still doesn’t really answer my question.  I mean, what is it to be “happy”?  Do you think that happiness comes naturally or do you think it’s something that you have to do/think/etc. to achieve?  When I think about the times in my life that I have been happy, I don’t remember “trying”, I just “was”.  You know?  But maybe I *was* doing something and I just didn’t realize it.  What do you think?  I kind of have the feeling that happiness is our natural state and that anytime we are not experiencing happiness then we are working through another emotion that is currently covering up the happiness.  Kind of like the sun.  It doesn’t turn off or go black, it just goes behind clouds or where you are on the planet moves to another part of the planet for a while.

Sometimes when I’m trying to figure out the meaning of a word, I find that it’s helpful to examine the meaning of its opposite.  So now we have to decide what is the opposite of “happy”.  Is it “sad”?  Or is it “mad”?  Or would it be “depressed”?  Let’s start with “sad”…actually, “sad” used the word “sorrow” a lot so let’s start with “sorrow”:

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Sorrow
–noun
1. distress caused by loss, affliction, disappointment, etc.; grief, sadness, or regret.
2. a cause or occasion of grief or regret, as an affliction, a misfortune, or trouble: His first sorrow was the bank failure.
3. the expression of grief, sadness, disappointment, or the like: muffled sorrow

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That seems like the opposite of “active happiness”, you know? Let’s look up what I think is the opposite of the “state of happiness”, depression.

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Depression

–noun
1. the act of depressing.
2. the state of being depressed.
3. a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.
4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.
6. dullness or inactivity, as of trade.
7. Economics. a period during which business, employment, and stock-market values decline severely or remain at a very low level of activity.
8. the Depression. Great Depression.
9. Pathology. a low state of vital powers or functional activity.
10. Astronomy. the angular distance of a celestial body below the horizon; negative altitude.
11. Surveying. the angle between the line from an observer or instrument to an object below either of them and a horizontal line.
12. Physical Geography. an area completely or mostly surrounded by higher land, ordinarily having interior drainage and not conforming to the valley of a single stream.
13. Meteorology. an area of low atmospheric pressure.

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OMG, I’m so confused!!! WTF!? Okay, let me just try to break it down in the way I see it….

If, when you were growing up, you weren’t allowed to express anger or sadness, or if those emotions were thought of as “annoying” or “weak”, then whenever you felt a hint of those feelings, you would push them down and out of your consciousness, right?  And so fast-forward years into the future, and there you are as an adult, not feeling “happy” and wondering why it isn’t as easy to be “happy” as as it used to be.  It might make sense to assume that you may have years of anger and sadness caked on top of the happiness that lives at the base of your being.  If we can allow those “lesser emotions” the attention they so rightly deserve, I believe they will lift up, flush through us and *magically* be gone! What is left is what is underneath, our natural state:  Happiness.

Easier said than done right? No shit. It’s hard as hell to keep track of when you’re lying to yourself and when you’re being honest. Sometimes it’s a knee-jerk reaction to lie to yourself. You don’t even know you’re doing it until way into it and then you stop and say, “wait a minute, this is bullshit! I’m pissed!” hahaha! Right? There is a great quote from the book/movie REVOLUTIONARY ROAD: “Nobody ever forgets the truth, they just get better at lying to themselves.” SO TRUE.

Don’t get me wrong though, I believe in life we are here to learn. LIFE IS MESSY. We aren’t meant to be happy all the time. That would just be plain scary if everybody was always happy. One of my favorite quotes: “Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships were built for.”

So get out there and get messy. I promise to to the same. And every now and then when you feel like you’re in a rut, try some new techniques to get yourself back to “happy”. Good luck.

Click here to learn How To Be Happy

Tags: depression, happiness, sadness